The above photograph, taken just prior to Eric Drooker’s performance at the mighty Sala Rossa, does a pretty good job of summarising my feelings on the year that’s been, and my outlook for the one to come. The anticipation of an empty stage, the co-mingling of art, music and politics, and that damn nagging fear that people won’t show up, no matter how much work you put into something. In the end, that night was a beautiful night, but also a striking reminder of how much work still needs to be done.

2011 was an eventful, tumultuous year, personally, professionally, and obviously in the world all around us, filled with equal parts inspiration and tragedy. It was a year of transition for me, from full-time work to self-employment, from the world of corporate advertising and design to a renewed commitment to art and activism, from a long, grey heartbreak to finally feeling good about myself again, from Montréal to Europe (Berlin, how I miss you…) and back again.

Over the course of the year, I completed many design projects of which I am genuinely proud (e.g. see Cinema Politica, Comme des machines, Vox Versus, Bloom, and Cosmodome). With the Howl! Arts Collective, I helped to bring challenging new music to the community, putting on a series of concerts that I hope will become an integral part of the fabric of the independent arts scene here in Montreal for years to come.

The 10th anniversary of Expozine came and went with much fun and fanfare around the event, and we put out another issue of Four Minutes to Midnight in its honour. Many Sunday nights were spent at Words and Music or For the Sake of the Songs. It has been a busy year, and I’d like to think I’ve contributed in some small way to the cultural vibrancy of this beautiful city.

Between all this, I was incredibly honoured to be invited to participate in the Oddstream festival by Memefest. Spending two months in Europe, connecting with an international community of radical designers and communications activists was an amazing opportunity to learn and share, and perhaps just as importantly, a clear reminder that the work I’m doing doesn’t exist in isolation.

The energy that I brought back with me translated directly to my re-engagement with Artivistic, and all our questions around social infrastructure, in theory and practice, just as the Occupy movement took shape on the world stage.

In spite of all these undoubtedly positive events, the year was also marked by a feeling of emptiness, tinged with nostalgia and a sadness for all that we’ve lost. It began for me with the news of FA Nettelbeck’s death, less than a month after we published Happy Hour. This tragedy cast a long shadow over the beginning of the year, and raised a lot of urgent questions about the pertinence of the type of work I’m doing, for myself and for the greater world around me. There truly is only so much time we have to give. 2011 contained an equal share of unfulfilled potential, failed projects and missteps, weeks of exhaustion and many sleepless nights. With all this in the bag, I’m now trying to figure out what direction to take the studio in (and my life along with it), how to stay congruent with the work I’ve done, but also make the necessary changes to overcome, to put it bluntly, fear…

I guess it’s pretty appropriate that this is the year I finally got to see Godspeed.

If 2011 has been a year of transition, of finding some footing in this slippery world, it’s my hope that 2012 will become the year where I stand up and take action. I guess the questions are, as always, what actions to take and why, to what end… But there’s no doubt in my mind we need more action, less tears. This uncertainty doesn’t seem to be a purely personal thing, people all around me seem to be asking these same questions. What needs to be done? If you’re reading this, I’d love to know who you are and why you’re interested in this blog, so leave a comment or drop me a line, perhaps we can help each other with these questions.

The overarching feeling I’m leaving this year with, clichéd as it may be, is one of gratitude. I am incredibly thankful for all the relationships I’ve made, maintained and grown.

I want to express my sincere thanks to my diverse clients who have taken me through this year, your trust in me and my design work is very much appreciated. In fact, it’s heartwarming. The transition to self-employment has been far less painful than I would have imagined when I left my job, and I have you to thank for that. In particular, thank you Gen, Vlad, Ezra and Svetla.

To my partners in struggle, thank you for accompanying me and guiding me back to a life of activism. You’ve filled a deep hole in my life that had been empty for far too long. You are amazing comrades and I love you dearly.

A warm hug to Stefan and Nazik, John, Lindsay and Jude, Jay and Jen, Sophie and Faiz, Sabina and Isabella. Thanks for being my family here in Montreal.

And a collective hug to all the people I’ve gotten to know and share time with this year, from Montreal, the Netherlands, the UAE or Latvia, you’ve filled me with great wonder.

Happy New Year’s all… May 2012 bring energy and light to your corner of the world. See you on the other side.